esteban ako.

The Best, Who Am I Not To Be?

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 02:39:00 -0400

Well, this is a poem I am somehow proud of. First reason is that, this poem speaks a lot, not to mention the Godly verse I got if from. Secondly, of course, who would decline from a request that I seldom help with? Haha well, this poem is for my brother.

I am happy I can write now. I mean, I can write again.

Letting my own light shine,

Through many things especially dancing,

There are a lot of things in line,

Just discover and keep believing.

Letting my own light shine,

Through giving back the blessings I once had,

I guess I have many things to call it “mine”,

Who cares? I am good and not mad.

Letting my own light shine,

Through shooting balls in the basket,

That’s how life works and it’s fine,

God is the best and I love it.

Letting my own light shine,

Through praying and singing praises,

Giving God an ample but sacred time,

It keeps me safe and still in bliss!

Matthew 5:16

^“In the same way,

let your light shine before others,

that they may see your good deeds

and glorify your Father in heaven.”

"It’s not about forcing happiness. It’s about not letting sadness win. :)"

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 08:14:45 -0500

“It’s not about forcing happiness. It’s about not letting sadness win. :)”

You’re the Inspiration You know our love was meant to beThe kind of love that lasts...

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 08:37:30 -0500

You’re the Inspiration

You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
You’re always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul

[CHORUS:]
You’re the meaning in my life
You’re the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You’re the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin’
No one needs you more that I need you
And I know, yes I know that it’s plain to see
We’re so in love when we’re together
And I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul

[CHORUS]

This song’s reminding me of someone really special. You know who you are. I also know you’re reading this. It made me cry the whole night reminiscing the times I sang this song…for you. Remember?

Great night to end singing this song for the 15th time. :))

Day's Realization

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 06:25:51 -0500

That feeling where after many hopes have gone out of place, something new has brought to you that made you smile throughout the day…and for the days to come. :) I’ve been very obsessed with something worthless for many years. It made me realize how wonderful life is without putting all my happiness to it. Habuuurn to midterm week! :)))

Grammar is an explicit thing to be mindful of. Gee.

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 10:55:08 -0500

Grammar is an explicit thing to be mindful of. Gee.

Awesomeness for 2013 :)

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 19:22:31 -0500

I guess for the past years, I have not been a fan of writing resolutions or goals in life. I have my reasons. I don’t want to be disappointed at the end of the year. Somehow, I hate pressure.

This year, it’s sort of a blessing that we have this assignment about writing our resolutions and goals for this year. Maybe through this, I may be able to satisfy myself and create confidence as I enter 2014.

Here we go.

1. Top of my list is to always put God first above everything else. I should be able to sincerely devote an hour for a quiet time each day for the Lord. Pray. Read the Bible.

2. Cliché but I should not procrastinate. This year has been the busiest year of my student life. Focus more on priorities. Study now, party later.

3. I really am not a fan of reading books. Ironic, right? I’d rather watch movies than spare my free time reading novels or books. But this year, I’ll try reading for at least 10-15 books this year. I hate pressure. Haha!

4. In order for me to really not forget dates, I tried using a daily planner to fix my everyday loads. As a way to help my composition and grammar, making a daily diary surely helps. In this way, I may be able to do the task before it gets rid of me. Smooth operator.

5. Healthy living. It feels to hard doing this. Discipline and exercise, try me. Gym time.

6. Anger management. This has been my monstrous problem last year which ended something very important to me. This year, I’ll try to fix everything about managing my temper. Next year, I’ll be an angel. Behold.

7. Spend more quality time with my family. For the past two years, I have been very enthused with my relationship that I forgot that I still have a family. This year, it’ll be awesome for all of us! Love 

8. Save money. Before this year ends, I’ll have something Apple in me.

9. Prudence. I need to be prudent. ALL THE TIME.

10. Lastly, I really hate pressure but I guess this time, pressure’s going to love me. This year, I’ll really spend it for myself. Forgot about myself for many years before. But now, it’s going to be so much fun!

It may be a roller coaster ride again for me but surely, it’ll all be worth it by the end of this year.

Awesomeness overload. :>

The art of letting go.

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 07:39:00 -0500

I’m writing this blog not because I’m hurt but because I am currently in the stage of letting go of something very valuable. Not being bitter. Let us just put it this way, hmmm, “The art of letting go”. If we say art , it’s sort of having optimism behind the letting go part.

Art. Colorful. Awwe. Well, I can still vividly see how beautiful and terrific the relationship was. It was a relationship many would envy, I suppose. It came out of love, definitely. Honesty, trust, submission, and love were the root of everything. It evidently showed how perfect the relationship years ago. Love owes a lot for the both of them which I seem to recognize after all the realizations. Psh.

Have you ever felt that feeling wherein you’ve submitted everything to a person that meant the universe to you? Did it ever happen to you to seem everything going perfect in your relationship that your mind is set for marrying the woman you’ve never imagined to have? Wait, last thing, after many puppy emotions you felt for other people but never put an imagined relationship with it, have you ever thought of your first very serious relationship to be your last?

Behold, I did.

Relationship without growth is insufficient. Relationship without understanding is static. Relationship that covered love from responsibility is worthless. I bet these things happened to me. I see perfection to it that I know wouldn’t be enough. Well, I guess it’s a happy farewell.

That’s why I put art as a metaphor of saying goodbye. I’m not being sardonic or what, but I guess it’s time to let go happily.

Awesomeness regained. :)

The best I never had.

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 04:11:09 -0500

Oh yes, it’s a gloomy day. Scary, as I may say. Maybe it’s because I am with this. I am IN this. The clouds are dark. The streets are silent. The winds are stagnant. The trees are empty. And as for me, I am this. The person anyone should hate because of the reason I’m this. Fuckin this. Well I guess I know you’d understand what THIS means. Go on! Think of it.

Ha-ha! Sardonically, I am smiling. Hate bursting myself into tears. It’s just so sad for a season to be so special. I don’t wanna be an attraction to my family. It has always been me the whole time. I’ve been spending nonsense to everyone. I believe it’s me that I spent off, nonsense.

Who would have thought this lucky guy met this perfect lady. Oh yes, she is lovely and plain. Who would have thought this ugly, self-centered man did able to soften her heart. Who would have thought he would be so lucky? I thought of it. Really, I did.

For two years, I thought it had been great for us. I ate my words. Eff. People call me as the Love DJ. I alwasy make it to a point that no one could ever feel sad during this hard times. I know this is hard. Really hard. Maybe I just got fooled by how I lived my life. I am so centered with what I believe I could do rather than thinking of what’s at stake with my decisions. Yes, I am full of it because I’m fucking ridiculous and I fucking hate myself for that!

Jeez. Wait, let me breathe.

For 2 years, I thought she was happy. She told me she was maybe because she didn’t want me to feel guilty about it but I can feel it. I am not dumb. I thought we were living our dream. The dream I always wanted for us. The sad thing is, it was a selfish dream - a dream I wanted. Not what WE wanted.

Today, I gotta live miserable. Yes, I know being miserable is a choice. I chose to leave her hesitantly. I never thought she’d bite for that. Unfortunately, she did.

I know she’d be happy. I know she is. I’m trying to be happy. Still, trying. Oh these tears, please stop.

Still, you made me the happiest. You made me the coolest. You made me the luckiest man ever lived on earth. I just miss you so badly. And I know 10 or 20 years from now, you’ll be living happily with another man and I’m happy knowing that, futuristically. Someday, I’ll see you smile genuinely and I’d remember that you’re still the best I never had in my life.

Photo

Wed, 19 Dec 2012 10:42:36 -0500

Not a bad Christmas after all.

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 04:19:34 -0500

It was 4:45AM when I woke up on a Saturday. Everyone was still asleep, I assumed. Who cares about getting up early on a Saturday? As for me, the reason was something eerie. I don’t know. I just woke up that early and not minding getting back to sleep again. Moving on, I went up my bed. Prayed. A sudden sound of bells and heard shush from like small minions or what. The sound was from our chimney. They (they sound so many) were giggling. I was sort of curious about the situation. I finished my prayer with a safety prayer, asking God to keep me safe from leading me to where I’m going right now – the sound. I quickly got up, slippers put on. Then a bang!

I wonder what that loud bang was. I went back to my bed like a turtle covering myself with my comforter. What creep was that? About 17 minutes after, I remained myself covered. Heard nothing but silence. Was my mom not awakened by the loud bang? I slowly moved out from my shell and put on my slippers and like a ninja, using only my toes walking. Afraid, I was walking at a snail’s pace covering my left eye with my right eye half-opened. Wondering who it was.

Crap. I ran down quickly as I can seeing those gifts jumbled like a pieces of puzzle under the chimney. I theorized as like it came from above. All those giggling and shushing were from…

As I arranged all the gifts disarranged, I saw a note that was for me.

Son,

You have been bad last year. Something new?

I haven’t sent you one. Sorry.

I only have toys for good boys.

Are you?

Santa

Yeah. It was Santa who gave all these. Santa’s real. Gee!

I rushed to my room feeling ashamed of what Santa has for me. A note. It’s as if he knew what I have been doing last year. I bet he knew what I have done this year. Gosh.

It made me realized how I am this year, I assessed. This year has been great. It has somehow been a rough road for most of my experience but it made an impression of how well I am not with myself but with the people around me. It was this year that I have been very generous. Totally not financially but in deeds. I have seen how my friends been very disappointed with some of their experiences. I have my reservations of sharing it to them so I politely attended to their rants about how shitty their life was. It was a bit inspiring, the thought that I am not the only person whom life shits upon. I guess one dies a virgin because in the end, life fucks us all. Lol.

For the past many years, I have been very selfish, self-centered and ugly. I guess I have done something great this year – selfless and a good friend. This year is not about me. It is about the people whom I shared with that made them happy and secured. Though I wasn’t not that generous with money, but I have a generous heart that I can proud of. Wow! I hope Santa knows this.

I went back to the note Santa gave me wondering how he knew about me. I flipped it to the back page and saw another note,

Son,

This year has been great for you.

Your friends are lucky to have you.

Truly, a golden heart you have there.

Look under you bed.

Surprise!

Merry Christmas, Son!

Santa

I went down immediately under my bed and found something I will never forget. It was a gift from my deceased dad. A video my dad made before he died. It was a video message I will truly treasure in my entire life. It was just between me and my dad and it meant a whole world for me.

This has been the most wonderful gift I have received this Christmas. I could not express how thankful I am. This is why Santa is mostly loved by kids for he knows how to make us happy. J

The Consequence Never Regretted

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 21:15:00 -0500

As I always get out from the motel, I could see this middle-aged man, sitting on a monobloc chair two meters away from the security guard. He has this weird, freaky glass container with some spices and internal organs in it. Gross. At first, it was some sort of a creepy occurrence knowing that guy comes over me, without any touch, malevolently smiles and laughs at me. Geez. That was some kind of freak!

It has been my habit after heading out from the motel that I would consider leaving a sandwich, an apple and a can of Pepsi to the security guard for that weirdo. Yet really, that day he was nowhere to be seen. Well, felt sort of happy. Who wouldn’t be? No one gets to scare me from those creepy container and…gee… that smile. As I was heading towards my car, beeps it open and suddenly, that freak was on the other side of the car, giving me goose bumps with his smile. Courageously, I handed him the food I always prepared for him. Without anything to say, he swiftly got it from me and in return, he says,

“You have sinned big time. You will lose something big time. Drink this big time. Change big time”,

then he rushed laughing. I never knew what he was talking about. I got inside my car and I jolted as I hear my phone ringing. It was my son. “Dad, mom’s ill. She was taken to the hospital!” I rushed to the hospital where my wife is taken. She had a heart attack. She’s unconscious. She’s in coma.

I admit, our relationship became shitty after we started arguing about little things. Little things became large. After my second child, everything about us became rough. We went to a point where hating each other is not an issue anymore. Or was it just me? It became ordinary to us not to go to mass together during Sundays and even little things like eating meals together were not met. Yes, I admit. I am selfish. We were selfish. We never thought of how our children are like when they grow up with parents like us. And yes, I speak for motels because I had one-night-stands with every girl I meet in my office. Yes, my wife knows about that. She doesn’t even care.

I was sitting outside the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of the hospital. Waiting for the doctor to come outside and talk about my wife’s condition. I really don’t know how this will be. Should I be afraid of what’s going to happen? It’s as if she weren’t there since then so why would I even bother saving her life? Thinking of it through, my son Iñigo goes to me and said,

“Dad? I know there was something between you and Mom. I know, we know what’s happening. Since Chad, you never had a serious talk with her. You were never heres when she needs you. You know who the problem is? YOU! Your job has overwhelmed you so much that you left your family behind the bars. Yes Dad, you were great. There was a pause to that, then with great feelings he shouted, You provided us with your money but have you realized what you have provided for us? More than money could give? Mom argues with you. She never wanted you to hate each other. She argues to make a conversation. Since when did you have a clean conversation with her? You always shout. *sighs* Dad, mom’s right. You never get to learn. We never had a Dad.”, walks out.

I hurried myself down to parking area and heading to my car. Feeling guilty about everything. There were many thoughts, exaggeratedly, were running through my mind at the moment. I feel weary about the things I am unable to realize. It meant freedom for me but suffering for them, especially my wife. My wife that I have loved for 23 years. Minutes after cries and reflection, I remembered the bottle that weirdo gave me. I somehow thought of drinking it to end my life. Blameworthy of everything, I felt ending my life would free my family for the things I have done wrong. Without a doubt, I drank the grossy liquid. Suddenly, my thought are hurling around. Everything is surreal as I saw this freak with a tuxedo, he said,

“Make a wish and I will grant you one. A wish that you are sure of. A wish that you’ll never regret for. A wish that you will treasure forever… no matter what.”, he emphasized.

Shocked as I was, couldn’t wish anything for myself. I have drowned myself with everything. So I decided to make a wish for my wife.

“Uhmm. I… I… Uhmm. My wife, she’s in coma! Bring her back. Back when we were still very much fine with our relationship. I’m sorry! I’m really really sorry!”, I said.

“Wish granted.” Then everything’s back to normal.

I swiftly went out from my car, ran back to the ICU not bothering who was in front of me. I just went up, hurriedly as I could. As soon as I have reached there, I opened the glass door and my sons and doctors covered my wife as she lay down. One by one, I sweep them aside to see my wife. Stunned by what I saw with her legs enlarged, arms shortened, her body is somehow distorted or whatever you call that. She is physically different. But without hesitations, I hugged her so tight and whispered,

“Honey, I’m sorry with everything that had happened. We will start a new life. A new you. A new me. Forever, I will love you no matter what. Remember this sweetie, I love you no matter what.”

Rejected UPCAT Essay Questions

Sun, 05 Aug 2012 20:11:43 -0400

Rejected UPCAT Essay Questions:

theztot:

Narito ang iilang mga tanong na ‘di nakalusot para sa “essay” na parte ng UPCAT 2012 (BTW ito ang unang beses na nagkaroon ng mga essay questions sa buong kasaysayan ng UPCAT).

Hanggang saan aabot ang bente pesos mo?

If 5x +2y = 20, hanggan saan aabot ang 20 pesos mo?

Have you read the terms…

odes: Critical Mind

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 19:32:39 -0400

odes: Critical Mind:

taineflores:

This day had been a sunny day. It would have been a better and productive day for all of us. And it never crossed my mind that today, July 23, 2012, is the 3^rd SONA of our President Noynoy Aquino. His speech lasted for about an hour and half and yet millions does not even get what he was…

Just a random thought

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 15:59:16 -0400

I couldn’t sleep because of many reasons. So I’m writing this blog to express how I really feel tonight. At exactly 3:21AM, 16th of July 2012. And as of this very moment, let me tell you what my mind tells me.

I wish this was a dream. I wish everything was a lie. I wish I was never that person. I wish I never was able to love. I wish I was still.I wish I never had the chance to meet her. Yet everything I said was a lie. I wish I’m okay. I wish I’m tired. I wish I’m dead.

Honestly, I’m still willing to give things up. I want to tell her how willing I am to make this work. Oh wait, I really worked it out. In fact, I almost gave up everything I have for her. (Is this obsession? Or is this my way of showing how loving I am as a person?) People misinterpreted how I really feel. They seem to see me like I was the manipulator, before, yes. God! Things have changed now. I, for one, have stepped, spitted, my ego off. I always make it to a point that she feels the queen.

I’m sorry guys. I couldn’t make up my thoughts beautifully. Forgive my grammar and my disconnected ideas. If you’re still willing to spend not much of your time, continue reading. :)

I really don’t want to see her bid good bye. Really. this past few weeks, I worked it out. Every night, I keep on thinking, “Is this right?” “Did I just do what she wants to see me doing?” “Did I make her smile? Rather happy?” “Did I really had a bit of myself?” I really am very careful to my words, even my actions counts every time I am with her. Really, I am very happy serving her happiness. Until I saw myself being a narcissist then almost given up. It hurts seeing her mad, jealous, worried. But it hurts more seeing her and almost listening to her saying, “I give up. I can’t love you better than I did before”

Before you judge me, listen to me. I love her. Simple as that. I love her that I couldn’t see myself living my life meaninglessly. I could even remember how she used to call me babe. God! She changed me. I really can feel she’s the one. She even used to make me feel I’m the one. I really don’t know what to do now. I am very tired of burning myself down. I am very weary, I admit. This eerie feeling wherein I want to continue loving her but she doesn’t want me back. She’s scared of me. I was an idiot. I regretted those things that happened. (I know you’re wondering what really happened. I lost control. In public. With everyone seeing me out of control. Yeah, I was an idiot, wasn’t I?)

Now that she’s gone. Should I leave this all behind and bid goodbye after all? Or should I stay continue loving her? I don’t want to be hurting someone again especially she. I love her. I love her so much that I can’t afford losing her, again.

But I respected your choice. I will be here, lying down, thinking of what’s at stake for me. But somehow, I keep on telling myself, “she has loved you but she’s given up. let her go.”

Should I be listening to this? :”(

godsradicaldaughter: You will meet different kinds of people,...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 00:15:52 -0400

godsradicaldaughter:

You will meet different kinds of people, each of whom will have a different impact in your life. You will find yourself becoming engaged in different types of groups, and in various situations. It’s normal. It’s unavoidable. But don’t forget who you are in Christ.

You will experience ups and downs, and feel loss, sorrow, joy, triumph, and persecution. You will know what it feels like to love, to hate, to despair, to be jealous, to compete, and to have bitterness in your heart. You will see many reasons to give up, or keep on fighting. Still, don’t forget who you are in Christ.

Beloved, don’t let ANYTHING or ANYONE at all rob you of your identity in Christ. Even when people reject you, Christ still accepts you. You might not pass their standards, but you know what? Jesus approves of you totally. Why? It’s because He loves you. You don’t have to be smart. You don’t have to be rich. You don’t have to be popular. You don’t have to be good at everything. Jesus sees your true worth in the midst of what you don’t have. He knows your heart, and he understands everything about you.

People will label you, and judge you, but they don’t matter at all. YOU stand on a Higher Truth, and that is what Jesus tells you. He is the One who knows the beginning from the end. He is the One who governs the whole Universe. He is the One who died for your sin on the Cross. Who would you choose to believe? He says that you’re blessed, because He has made you His co-heir in heaven. He says you are rich, because He became poor. He has made you royalty in heaven, because He was forsaken by God. Beloved, you are all these for all eternity.

Even when people judge you, don’t let them rule you. You’re better than the rest of us think. You are more than all that you see. Don’t forget who you are in Christ, because that is the only thing that truly matters. His Word, and the identity He gave you will stand forever, despite of what you do, or what happens. Stand up proudly, and stand out. You’re special, because you are chosen. God has called you for a greater calling. Find strength and courage in what Jesus says about you. You are HIS, so He won’t fail you.

"I was wrong loving you like you were my last."

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 23:57:41 -0400

“I was wrong loving you like you were my last.”

lournrns: Because I’ve been absent for too long, I had to...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 05:23:06 -0400

lournrns:

Because I’ve been absent for too long, I had to shoulder two hours worth of stay in that place. It’s okay, though, not because I have too much money to give away, but because my time was all worth it. Cheesy moment there.

Le Downfall

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 07:32:56 -0400

Break-ups. Oh. Break-ups!
Spare me please. :( It’s always like this ever single day. Weren’t we tired of all these? This is totally delirious, you know? Every time I speak of us, yes, I feel great. You know that! But can’t we just shake ourselves, ask, and come to a reality that WE ARE OKAY. Yes, there are things we get to encounter, small things, yes, and speak of it as much as we would hate each other. ENOUGH.
I never wanted this kind of relationship.
I’m open to any kind of talks, issues or quarrels yet if this comes to a point wherein we will hate each other and lose interest, THE HELL!
I love you, you always know that.
Yes, I’m tired. But this doesn’t mean that I’m tired of doing something special towards our relationship. You’ve given up. We’ve given up.
Maybe this time, just maybe, we need to accept this reality that will surely help us grow into better persons. As you said, we need to grow. I need to grow.
I pray for the both of us. Sooner or later, we will realize we need each other. Someday, we will laugh about this.
We just need to give this burden to the Lord. He sees our inner intentions. He’ll help us go through this. I guess it’s never too late to say sorry for the wrongdoings I’ve caused you. I still love you. See you soon, my love!

Photo

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:57:39 -0400

Take part. Live the Atenean values.Whoo! The camp was a blast!...

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:11:57 -0400

Take part. Live the Atenean values.

Whoo! The camp was a blast! It was an extraordinary one.

My application for AAM was really unexpected. It was failing ASUL that pushed me to this one. I really wanted to be part of ASUL (Ateneo Schools for Upcoming Leaders) since I was a freshman. But I failed.

Yes. Again, failure. I wanted to stop. Yet why would a leader give up, right? I thought. So here it goes, I passed by the SC building, got an application form, filled out the answer sheet or whatever it is called. I dropped it to the box where the forms are passed. Out of 761 applicants, 156 qualified for the interview. After which, I really didn’t expect that I would be one of those 50+ students who were qualified. Yes. I’m in. Also my girl.

The camp came, GRABEEEEEEE! It was super fun and exciting. Realizations and learnings were present. New friends are gained. Humility also were applied by the campers. WOW! MUSTA BRO are created. Haha.

Yes. Learned a lot from the experience. Exhausting though, yet, worth it.

Atenista Ako. Ikaw, tayo. Isabuhay natin ang diwa nito.

: Angkie Borres, grab kog picture ha? :D Hahaha. Salamat.