esteban ako.

 Well, this is a poem I am somehow proud of. First reason is that, this poem speaks a lot, not to mention the Godly verse I got if from. Secondly, of course, who would decline from a request that I seldom help with? Haha well, this poem is for my brother.

I am happy I can write now. I mean, I can write again. 

Letting my own light shine,

Through many things especially dancing,

There are a lot of things in line,

Just discover and keep believing.

Letting my own light shine,

Through giving back the blessings I once had,

I guess I have many things to call it “mine”,

Who cares? I am good and not mad.

Letting my own light shine,

Through shooting balls in the basket,

That’s how life works and it’s fine,

God is the best and I love it.

Letting my own light shine,

Through praying and singing praises,

Giving God an ample but sacred time,

It keeps me safe and still in bliss!

Matthew 5:16

^“ In the same way,

let your light shine before others,

 that they may see your good deeds

 and glorify your Father in heaven.”

You’re the Inspiration

You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
And I want you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
You’re always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul

[CHORUS:]
You’re the meaning in my life
You’re the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You’re the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin’
No one needs you more that I need you
And I know, yes I know that it’s plain to see
We’re so in love when we’re together
And I know that I need you here with me
From tonight until the end of time
You should know, everywhere I go
Always on my mind, in my heart
In my soul

[CHORUS]

This song’s reminding me of someone really special. You know who you are. I also know you’re reading this. It made me cry the whole night reminiscing the times I sang this song…for you. Remember? 

Great night to end singing this song for the 15th time. :))

That feeling where after many hopes have gone out of place, something new has brought to you that made you smile throughout the day…and for the days to come. :) I’ve been very obsessed with something worthless for many years. It made me realize how wonderful life is without putting all my happiness to it. Habuuurn to midterm week! :)))

Grammar is an explicit thing to be mindful of. Gee. 

I guess for the past years, I have not been a fan of writing resolutions or goals in life. I have my reasons. I don’t want to be disappointed at the end of the year. Somehow, I hate pressure.

This year, it’s sort of a blessing that we have this assignment about writing our resolutions and goals for this year. Maybe through this, I may be able to satisfy myself and create confidence as I enter 2014.

Here we go.

1. Top of my list is to always put God first above everything else. I should be able to sincerely devote an hour for a quiet time each day for the Lord. Pray. Read the Bible.

2. Cliché but I should not procrastinate. This year has been the busiest year of my student life. Focus more on priorities. Study now, party later.

3. I really am not a fan of reading books. Ironic, right? I’d rather watch movies than spare my free time reading novels or books. But this year, I’ll try reading for at least 10-15 books this year. I hate pressure. Haha!

4. In order for me to really not forget dates, I tried using a daily planner to fix my everyday loads. As a way to help my composition and grammar, making a daily diary surely helps. In this way, I may be able to do the task before it gets rid of me. Smooth operator.

5. Healthy living. It feels to hard doing this. Discipline and exercise, try me. Gym time.

6. Anger management. This has been my monstrous problem last year which ended something very important to me. This year, I’ll try to fix everything about managing my temper. Next year, I’ll be an angel. Behold.

7. Spend more quality time with my family. For the past two years, I have been very enthused with my relationship that I forgot that I still have a family. This year, it’ll be awesome for all of us! Love 

8. Save money. Before this year ends, I’ll have something Apple in me.

9. Prudence. I need to be prudent. ALL THE TIME.

10. Lastly, I really hate pressure but I guess this time, pressure’s going to love me. This year, I’ll really spend it for myself. Forgot about myself for many years before. But now, it’s going to be so much fun!

It may be a roller coaster ride again for me but surely, it’ll all be worth it by the end of this year.

Awesomeness overload. :>

I’m writing this blog not because I’m hurt but because I am currently in the stage of letting go of something very valuable. Not being bitter. Let us just put it this way, hmmm, “The art of letting go”. If we say art , it’s sort of having optimism behind the letting go part. 

Art. Colorful. Awwe. Well, I can still vividly see how beautiful and terrific the relationship was. It was a relationship many would envy, I suppose. It came out of love, definitely. Honesty, trust, submission, and love were the root of everything. It evidently showed how perfect the relationship years ago. Love owes a lot for the both of them which I seem to recognize after all the realizations. Psh.

Have you ever felt that feeling wherein you’ve submitted everything to a person that meant the universe to you? Did it ever happen to you to seem everything going perfect in your relationship that your mind is set for marrying the woman you’ve never imagined to have? Wait, last thing, after many puppy emotions you felt for other people but never put an imagined relationship with it, have you ever thought of your first very serious relationship to be your last?

Behold, I did.

Relationship without growth is insufficient. Relationship without understanding is static. Relationship that covered love from responsibility is worthless. I bet these things happened to me. I see perfection to it that I know wouldn’t be enough. Well, I guess it’s a happy farewell.

That’s why I put art as a metaphor of saying goodbye. I’m not being sardonic or what, but I guess it’s time to let go happily.

Awesomeness regained. :)

Oh yes, it’s a gloomy day. Scary, as I may say. Maybe it’s because I am with this. I am IN this. The clouds are dark. The streets are silent. The winds are stagnant. The trees are empty. And as for me, I am this. The person anyone should hate because of the reason I’m this. Fuckin this. Well I guess I know you’d understand what THIS means. Go on! Think of it.

Ha-ha! Sardonically, I am smiling. Hate bursting myself into tears. It’s just so sad for a season to be so special. I don’t wanna be an attraction to my family. It has always been me the whole time. I’ve been spending nonsense to everyone. I believe it’s me that I spent off, nonsense.

Who would have thought this lucky guy met this perfect lady. Oh yes, she is lovely and plain. Who would have thought this ugly, self-centered man did able to soften her heart. Who would have thought he would be so lucky? I thought of it. Really, I did. 

For two years, I thought it had been great for us. I ate my words. Eff. People call me as the Love DJ. I alwasy make it to a point that no one could ever feel sad during this hard times. I know this is hard. Really hard. Maybe I just got fooled by how I lived my life. I am so centered with what I believe I could do rather than thinking of what’s at stake with my decisions. Yes, I am full of it because I’m fucking ridiculous and I fucking hate myself for that!

Jeez. Wait, let me breathe. 

For 2 years, I thought she was happy. She told me she was maybe because she didn’t want me to feel guilty about it but I can feel it. I am not dumb. I thought we were living our dream. The dream I always wanted for us. The sad thing is, it was a selfish dream - a dream I wanted. Not what WE wanted.

Today, I gotta live miserable. Yes, I know being miserable is a choice. I chose to leave her hesitantly. I never thought she’d bite for that. Unfortunately, she did. 

I know she’d be happy. I know she is. I’m trying to be happy. Still, trying. Oh these tears, please stop. 

Still, you made me the happiest. You made me the coolest. You made me the luckiest man ever lived on earth. I just miss you so badly. And I know 10 or 20 years from now, you’ll be living happily with another man and I’m happy knowing that, futuristically. Someday, I’ll see you smile genuinely and I’d remember that you’re still the best I never had in my life.

(via thealphaboy)

It was 4:45AM when I woke up on a Saturday. Everyone was still asleep, I assumed. Who cares about getting up early on a Saturday? As for me, the reason was something eerie. I don’t know. I just woke up that early and not minding getting back to sleep again. Moving on, I went up my bed. Prayed. A sudden sound of bells and heard shush from like small minions or what. The sound was from our chimney. They (they sound so many) were giggling. I was sort of curious about the situation. I finished my prayer with a safety prayer, asking God to keep me safe from leading me to where I’m going right now – the sound. I quickly got up, slippers put on. Then a bang!

I wonder what that loud bang was. I went back to my bed like a turtle covering myself with my comforter. What creep was that? About 17 minutes after, I remained myself covered. Heard nothing but silence. Was my mom not awakened by the loud bang? I slowly moved out from my shell and put on my slippers and like a ninja, using only my toes walking. Afraid, I was walking at a snail’s pace covering my left eye with my right eye half-opened. Wondering who it was.

Crap. I ran down quickly as I can seeing those gifts jumbled like a pieces of puzzle under the chimney. I theorized as like it came from above. All those giggling and shushing were from…

As I arranged all the gifts disarranged, I saw a note that was for me.

Son,

You have been bad last year. Something new?

I haven’t sent you one. Sorry.

I only have toys for good boys.

Are you?

Santa

Yeah. It was Santa who gave all these. Santa’s real. Gee!

I rushed to my room feeling ashamed of what Santa has for me. A note. It’s as if he knew what I have been doing last year. I bet he knew what I have done this year. Gosh.

It made me realized how I am this year, I assessed. This year has been great. It has somehow been a rough road for most of my experience but it made an impression of how well I am not with myself but with the people around me. It was this year that I have been very generous. Totally not financially but in deeds. I have seen how my friends been very disappointed with some of their experiences. I have my reservations of sharing it to them so I politely attended to their rants about how shitty their life was. It was a bit inspiring, the thought that I am not the only person whom life shits upon. I guess one dies a virgin because in the end, life fucks us all. Lol.

For the past many years, I have been very selfish, self-centered and ugly. I guess I have done something great this year – selfless and a good friend. This year is not about me. It is about the people whom I shared with that made them happy and secured. Though I wasn’t not that generous with money, but I have a generous heart that I can proud of. Wow! I hope Santa knows this.

I went back to the note Santa gave me wondering how he knew about me. I flipped it to the back page and saw another note,

Son,

This year has been great for you.

Your friends are lucky to have you.

Truly, a golden heart you have there.

Look under you bed.

Surprise!

Merry Christmas, Son!

Santa

I went down immediately under my bed and found something I will never forget. It was a gift from my deceased dad. A video my dad made before he died. It was a video message I will truly treasure in my entire life. It was just between me and my dad and it meant a whole world for me.

This has been the most wonderful gift I have received this Christmas. I could not express how thankful I am. This is why Santa is mostly loved by kids for he knows how to make us happy. J